One step forward, one step back.

I was very happy, last August, to give up my Prozac.  I had been on a 10 mg dose for years and it was very hard to taper off of.  I finally got rid of the buzzy head symptoms about January.  Then, in January, I had the stressor of moving my mom to a new assisted living facility and the stresses have just kept on coming.  Every time I get up, the rug is pulled out from under me again, over and over and over again.  Every day involves watching someone suffer who does not understand what is happening to them.  This is life with an Alzheimer's patient.  Not fun.  In this context, I went to the doctor in February and got a prescription for Wellbutrin XL.   I came home, read the side effects, decided I didn't want to take it and put it in the desk drawer.  But, life just kept happening and happening and despite all I have learned while writing this blog, about fake smiling and making my bed and taking a cold shower, I have not yet mastered always looking on the bright side of things, so the Wellbutrin had to come out of the drawer.  I started taking it last week.   I admit I do feel better.  I'm supposed to be tapering the dose up, but so far, I've stayed on the lowest dose of 100 mg because I want the eventual taper off to be easier.   I have dived back into my art and reading, which is a comfort to me and yesterday, I did a random act of kindness which involved giving a piece of my art to all of the employees of the assisted living that help with my mom and that did make me feel better too.  It's still hard.

I know we all want to be able to make it without these medications and their side effects, but we can't always do it.  I am not beating myself up about it.  I'm just taking my pill each day and trying to hang in there, down here at the end of my rope, where I live.

I have enjoyed this Ted talk lately on the Surprising Science of Happiness.  You should go watch.