It's been a rough year, but ...

I'm still here.  I'm still kicking.  I'm getting up in the morning and doing what I need to do.  I am practicing some mindfulness and being in this moment and getting better at it.  I think about washing the dishes when I'm doing them, at least part of the time, think about the warm soapy water, instead of using that time to worry about everything under the sun, think about what's not going the way I want it to, etc., which is my norm.  I try to go outside and sit for a moment, looking at the sky and the trees.  I try and connect with people.  I've been intentional in getting together with my friends, just going to Burger King to sit and talk and sip a soda, going out to lunch with a friend I've known from childhood, taking the initiative to set things up.  Sometimes we just get so busy with our shows we watch, running our own households, working (or looking for work in my case) and forget to schedule time to have real fun with real people instead of watching it on TV or reading about it on social media.  One of the things I like about the Big Bang Theory guys is that they schedule and plan to have fun together.  I'm working on it.  

I kind of had an epiphany last week.  I was sitting on the porch for my prayer time, whining to The Almighty about not being able to find a job and feeling sorry for myself and the thought came into my mind -- how dare I complain when I am at home, in this beautiful place, with the kids I have and a husband who goes to work every day and does not complain about it or about anything I do, how dare I?   I am blessed beyond measure.   So what if we can't afford extras like vacations right now? We can pay our  bills.  So what if my life is not perfect.  Its still good.  There is still good. 

A year after getting off Prozac, I am so, so, so much better.   I think know it was making me worse, not better, causing intrusive, frequent suicidal thoughts that are now just a part of my past.  If you think your antidepressant could be making you worse, talk to your doctor and find out if you need to change or taper it. 

Think about this moment, not the future, not the past.  Think about this moment.  You're reading this blog.  Take a minute, close your eyes and focus on your breathing, slowing it down and relaxing for a moment.  Think about 3 things you are thankful for, even if they are pitiful.   Sometimes, it's "Hey, I don't have the stomach flu"  or "I don't have vertigo today".  Vertigo is horrible and every day without it is a day to celebrate.  :-P  

I found a great blog on being positive today.  The Positivity Blog.  The tagline is Happiness and Awesomeness Tips That Work in Real Life.  How cool is that?  I'm going to be reading for a while over there. 

Hang in there.